Well this has vow has made me think - I didn't think of it from the other way around - "accept what is offered to you". You are quite right Bruv on all points, but of course as you say all of us seem to want more, or to change things, or to have something that we don't have right now.
It has made me think about our situation here. All we want at the moment, deep down besides everything else is security. By that I mean a place where we can settle, a place which we can buy and call our own and live in for longer than one or two years and a job in which Manny feels secure. Now, we are "craving" something which of couse is the opposite to Buddhist thinking - which is that life is ever-changing, you cannot count on anything being permanent.
Then it made me think about permanence. What is it? Manny and I do have permanence in our life in that we have a great relationship, we get on well, we don't very often argue (bicker yes) but only about silly things, we have secure roots, i.e. our families offer us security, we have a nice home and we have two lovely children.
I would say that on the whole we are both very thankful for what life has given us - when you think about the people Ciariad will be helping on Christmas Day then we have such an enormous level of security and permanence. So, everything is relative.
When it comes to taking things from others, does this also include immaterial things - because sometimes I have felt like I have been robbed, not by material things, but my giving too much of myself to others, or by them taking far too much of my thoughts and feelings, or by thinking too little of myself - whichever way you want to look at it.
You say at the end that we should accept life's blessings as they come along - how about the difficult things that happen to us along the way, should we accept those in the same way or are these covered under another vow.
I tend to "accept" what is thrown at me in life and have realised of late that to 'accept' too much without getting help or seeking advice, or telling others of one's problems can be to one's detriment - what is your thinking on this. Should we just accept and not question; get advice; have a shoulder to lean on - or should we just be strong enough to accept that something has happened - it will pass, it will get better? I'd like to know your thinking on that one Bruv.
It is also interesting that you relate the vow back to Christian commandments, which in effect are very similar in thinking. I had not thought about these before. You have summarised this vow in a very succinct and interesting way.
Anyhow at this time of year, we are all so incredibily lucky to have the opportunity to give and receive gifts, have our tables full of food, and to be with our families. The latter, will give me the most pleasure this year.
Swanx
6 comments:
As ever, Swan has given us more food for thought.
What people view as the normal life, ie accumulating more and more material wealth and seeking to maximise happy times and eliminate sad times, is I am afraid conditioning that we have all absorbed from birth. We live in a capitalist consumption-driven society which, if we stopped buying and consuming would probably collapse in its present form. Remember the statistic that the US accounts for 5% of the world's population but consumes 40% of its output. But what if we pause for a moment and question this conditioning?
Since I turned my back on the more material route to happiness I have found my life has changed dramatically. Now money is not so important to me, I seem to have what I need for myself and others when I need it. I will give you an example of this later below.
I try to follow the Taoist philosophy of enjoying good times whilst accepting they will not last and enduring bad times with equanimity as I know they too will not last. This is summed up in the old hippie phrase 'Go with the flow'.
In answer to Swan's question, acceptance of what life offers is not limited to material things or just the good times. It applies to accepting the bad times knowing that a) they will not last and b), as I am sure many of you will echo, the bad times are the ones in which we have the opportunity to grow as people and discover depths to our character that we never knew we had. When difiicult times come, I say 'What can I learn from this about myself?' I always describe these events as character building.
Let me give you a real-life example from a few days ago of how this all works. My central heating boiler has just dramatically given up the ghost leaving me with no heating for Christmas. My first reactions were of panic (I am of a nervous disposition like many in my family) and asking 'Why me?'. I have Namaste and Rob coming for dinner on Christmas Day and Swan and her cygnets coming round over the holiday so what am I going to do?! Then, when I managed to control the negative emotions, I started to realise that I could survive by using my log burner and that, despite my fears, it isnt that cold in reality. Then, using the log burner, which is a lovely cosy comforting fire, I thought of how people survived before central heating. I tend to sit around in a t-shirt with the heating on and it dawned on me, wonder of wonders, that jumpers were invented for this very purpose. So with a jumper on I didnt need so much heating and the fuel that takes from the planet. So now I have candles, log fires and incense burning and I couldnt be more snug. Now to the money side, the new boiler will arrive 3 days after Christmas and will cost £1600 which must be paid for now: immediate panic or as cousin Pete would say 'Brown trouser time'! But, wait a minute, Ciariad had just repaid me £800 that I had lent her to repair her car. The Inland Revenue sent me a tax rebate of over £400 last week. And BT has four days ago sent me a refund of £186. So the money has all arrived when I needed it. Now you may say this is all coincidence, but it has happened to me so many times. namaste will also tell you of similar experiences when she has received money just before something went wrong that she needed to pay for. Likewise Ciariad received the money for her car when she needed it.
I can only conclude that if you dont worry about money and give when you can, you will receive. The whole episode tends to prove the Taoist saying 'can you deal with all vital matters by letting events take their course.'
Above all accept that while life may on the surface look unfair sometimes, by viewing it all as opportunities for growth and for sharing problems and solutions with your human family, it is a wonderful thing.
I can also relate to your thinking Bruv that in times of adversity the human spirit can become stronger and makes us more able to withstand the bad winds that can blow through our lives.
When my second husband Eddy left me with just a note and taking with him the Harley Davison that I had bought him, at the time I thought I would never feel happy again. I was unhappy at work too and to top it all I had a head gasket blow on the M4 coming back from Bruv's which wrote my car off. it felt like karma was out to get me! I had days when I just cried all day but in retrospect this was a cathartic time which helped remove the anger and emotion which had resulted from such a volatile one-sided relationship. My house in London Colney had been on the market for a year with no offers, but as soon as Eddy left i had a buyer which gave me the cash to start a new life in Somerset.
I too have known money to arrive just in time to meet serious problems. My dad unexpectedly gave me some money just before another car was written off (not my fault I might add!) and I was also able to take Rob to Croatia for his 40th birthday and put money aside for Jamesy's future education. So these things work in mysterious ways!
As a further answer to Swan's point about 'is accepting all we should do or should we seek help', we should definitely seek help and advice from others. It is like putting an extra brain onto the problem.
This is for a number of reasons: obviously what others can do for you may be very helpful, but also it is worth remembering that you are giving the other person the opportunity to develop and show compassion, wisdom and compassion are the two cornerstones of buddhism. Also you are giving them the opportunity to generate good karma which will improve their future life.
I used to pride myself on being self reliant but nowadays I see that it is much more beneficial to share problems and not keep them to oneself.
What do you think?
Interesting that you have all talked about material things and my point was about gaining security and permanence - not a buddhist thing (yes but does need material wealth). And about others taking things from me that were not material at all - were my energy, thoughts and feelings.
Perhaps you could add to these points too?
Swanx
Looking back at your second comment Bruv, I don't feel that I have given friends the opportunity to do that with me, I don't know where it comes from necessarily but I have always thought it a weakness to seek or need advice from others. I have always felt that I should solve my own problems and be independent and as such have become to a few friends an emotional crutch, but perhaps they were not as interested in me in the first place, but you are right it is a two-way road and I also feel that perhaps it leads to a deeper depth in a friendship. I also feel that you do not do it enough also, you always offer good advice, help and wisdom, but very rarely seek outside help or compassion from others - do you feel I am right? Do you have any notions of where this might stem from?
Swanx
It is wonderful to read these strongly expressed and felt comments which reflect each of our different approaches to life.
A few thoughts spring to mind in response. First, this vow is not just about material things, they were only used as examples because they are more tangible to express. Our family and friends are so important, in fact without them would there be much point in being here.
I agree with Ciariad's point about the driving force behind us being here on earth. We have a biological mission to perform which we must try to achieve against the biological clock and that is the continued survival of the human race by procreation. That is hard-wired in to us isnt it. And the mechanisms which this mission must employ are love, sex and home-making. All very powerful instincts which if we ignore them can damage us.
I can identify with Swan's point about not wanting to seek help. Do you remember Swan when we used to go for confirmation classes with Rev John Knowles-Brown at the Totteridge Lane vicarage? he stunned me by saying in one class in response to my thought that 'God had given us brains to work things out for ourselves and we should not trouble him' that I was totally wrong. God not only didnt want me to sort it myself but wanted me to give my life over to him so he (God) could direct me himself. This has stuck with me. Should we just listen to an inner voice and follow its commands. I dont know.
I do know that, as life has successively knocked me about, I no longer feel I can do it alone and I am much more likely to seek advice from others, one of whom is often Mum believe it or not. I have a small but select band of confidantes who I rather rely on these days to help me through life. This echoes Ciariad's point about the trauma's that can overwhelm people. Sometimes the only help available to some people is counselling and the support services.
One of the best types of support that I can receive from people is just to know that I am loved. This works wonders for me and this site is part of that sharing of love. In fact it was the reason for its creation. All we need is love.
PS I am glad that builder made a pass at Ciariad. The Lord moves in mysterious ways!
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