Over the past few months I have been in conflict spiritually. I had turned to investigate the Church as a source of spiritual guidance. My local church in Watchet is full of friendly helpful people and led by a wonderful man, David Ireson, who radiates spiritual calmness and kindness. I started reading the bible and undertook the Lent fast. I prayed night and day for guidance. Many strange unexpected things began to happen to me, almost one a week. I cannot describe all of them but to give you an example, I was rung out of the blue by someone I hadnt heard from for 32 years who promptly asked me to marry her!
I tried hard to follow this new path but I just could not relate to it. I love and admire Jesus as a wonderful man and teacher, but all the elaboration and the supernatural that is woven around his teachings, and especially the cruelty of the God of the Old Testament were too much to take. I was unable to believe and put my faith in it. I also worry that the Christian fundamentalists are just as damaging to the world as the others.
I have now had to put all this aside. I am content to follow my own path which as you all know is buddhist/taoist in belief. My mind has returned from turmoil to relative tranquility. I am happy again and seem to have gained a measure of self-confidence which I havent felt for several years. I am booking a retreat at the Hartridge Buddhist Monastery in May and am looking forward to the daily bowl of gruel!
Much love to all and thank you for your thoughts,
Bruv.
6 comments:
Bruv
Had no idea that all this had been happening. I have some questions, as always with my enquiring mind.
Firstly, what caused the spiritual conflict? I was a little taken aback by you turning to the Church after you many years as a buddhist and your strong belief in this path, although I have to say that I have been thinking about going back to church myself recently to see how I feel about it.
Secondly, do you not believe that this person who rang you would not have rung you anyway, church or not?
Was it the return back to the church that put you in turmoil or just life itself? Glad to hear that you are feeling at peace with all again Bruv.
Good idea, fancy some porridge now myself!
Lots of love Swan xxx
Hi Bruv,
When I first accepted in myself that I wasn't purely existential, but a spiritual being -and thus faced the reality of God (something I had flatly denied for the vast majority of my adult life), I looked to the Christian faith/churches for the answers I needed to find. The local baptist church came the closest to what i hoped to find but it still couldn't answer some of deeper questions. I simply couldn't accept the Judgmental God that had requirements and conditions for 'salvation'. It just didn't add up for me.
The Spiritualist Church ultimately came closest but even there I ran in dogmatic views which didn't tie up again with my feelings for Jesus.
Ultimately, I beleive you're right in that we each have to find our own path (see my own posting today about the Catapillars & the Butterfly).
Welcome back to the Singularity of absolute truth ...2 oxymorons in one sentance -not bad even for me!!
Jon
Jon could you tell me what the spiritualist church is?
Also where is your posting of the Caterpillars and the Butterfly (is that on another blog ) I would like to read it.
Nice to see you taking part on Dao.
Best wishes to all for a Happy Easter.
Lots of love to all
Swanx
Jon the Healer's blog 'Out the back' can be found at:
http://jonmees.blogspot.com/
Let me know Jon if you want to become a fully fledged contributor with posting rights to Dao and I will send an you an invite.
Isn't Watchet lovely today in the sun?
I went to a very good talk at Roadwater on Thursday evening with Namaste to hear Julie Soskin on Psychic Insight and Intuition. A great turnout for an event which will run monthly at the village hall. Upcoming topics include:
May 11: Native American Wisdom
June 8: Magical lore of trees
July 13: Intro to Paganism (one of my pet interests)
Sept 8: Drumming workshop
On the strength of the first one, they will be well worth attending. These events are organised by Carolynn Clare Townshend, a hedgewitch who has moved into The Old Post Office, Roadwater.
Love to all
Bruv
In answer to Swan's question 'What caused the conflict?' I wasn't in a conflict until I went to the church. I was interested to see whether I could embrace Christianity as well as Buddhism as I had read this could be done. But unfortunately it went against too many of the principles I believe in. But at least I gave it a go.... So its back to the breath for me, as we buddhists say.
Interestingly, a chap has just rented Rob's house opposite Namaste and he turns out to be a chanting Buddhist. I will be interested to discuss this with him, as I was put off the idea of chanting in the 90's by Eve Pollard (the model for Edwina in Abfab) who I read used to chant for a new sports car! Oh dear!
I did some chanting soon after I finished my massage course with a friend Nicky who I met there who was a chanting buddhist as well as a shiatsu masseur - don't think that's spelt right! and Rhaiki healer, I did it 2 or 3 times with her at her home, but I have to say that I felt very self-conscious in doing so, I felt much more at ease with 'the breath" version.
Happy Easter to all. We visited Dinan and Dinard this weekend which were really lovely but unfortunately the weather was awful!
Sunny back in Nantes this evening though.
Love to all
Swanx
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