Stiff upper lip and all that!

Hello Michelle, welcome to Dao - you raise some really interesting points about drink related problems but also about other issues of interest to me. Firstly, how many of us are really happy in our own skins, many of us use all sorts of mechanisms for making ourselves happy; for escapism; for finding a sense of place in this mad world - this blog being one of them.

Secondly, the British stiff upper lip - this is of interest to me as I have lived in France for just over a year and have noticed some very interesting differences between the English mentality and the French, in that, generally, the French wear their hearts on their sleeves. If they are happy, unhappy, anxious, annoyed etc., they let you know there and then, not like us. For example, we would probably say nothing and let our emotions develop unhealthily inside us, or would talk to others about the problem we have with someone else, but not with the person we have the problem with. The French are also very tactile - in Nantes, when you meet someone and get to know them quite well you then start to shake hands, then when you know them better, the welcome and the goodbye is with 4 kisses (this varied from region to region in France - e.g. in Paris it is 2!) 4 is a bit too many perhaps, but nice all the same. Then added to that is a hug.

Having started work a few months ago, I am still waiting for the internal politics to start - but having spoken to other English people who work there, I don't think they will - because, if someone has a problem or doesn't agree with something, they will just say it tout de suite with the person they have the problem with and then its discussed and over. Finished.

Thirdly, the points you raised about your Grandfather struck a chord with me, and I am sure with Bruv, as our own Father was physically abused by our Grandfather, as was our Grandmother, who was disabled with polio. Our Grandfather also had a drink problem. Why? As you say, perhaps his childhood was not a happy one - I am not sure of this point but I know that he caused a lot of anxiety in my father's family, which thankfully, was not passed on by my own Father in how he treated us, for which, I admire him greatly.

I am sure that you are right about us letting go of our emotions when we have had a drink or two, for example I speak much better French when I have had a few drinks inside me!! Also, I am able to relax more and forget about other things on my mind.

The one thing which you pick up on which I feel is very important is the sense of touch. I took a course in Massage some years ago, and at first I was afraid of being touched so intimately by strangers- usually just with a towel around us and our underwear - but as the weeks went by, I began to enjoy it very much as did others on the course. I have to admit though that I don't find it as natural as my husband does, who is French and is incredibly tactile.

I also did some work with the blind some years ago and one thing which one of the blind women told me has stayed with me ever since. After a morning of shopping with her, holding her arm and her hand to guide her around London, and somewhat protecting her from harm in certain places in Oxford Street, she told me that the one thing she had enjoyed so much about that morning was being touched and for that she was truly grateful.

I have no idea where these comments are going but it is interesting how a comment like yours has made me reflect on so many thoughts and feelings from my past and my present. Thanks for that Michelle, I look forward to reading more from you. Namaste, have any of these comments from Dao helped? I hope so...