I just read a really interesting article about Taking Responsibility in the April issue of Psychologies Magazine (which Fuchsy sends me from blighty) and it really made me think about it. It also relates somewhat to Fuchsy's last post. Here are some excerpts.
How did you get to where you are today? Through hard work, talent, good or bad luck, upbringing, playing it safe, taking risks? The chances are that each of these played a part, but the one unifying factor is your behaviour. It takes strength to realize that everything you do has a consequence, to take responsibility for your actions and to learn from your inevitable mistakes. It might be tempting to blame luck, fate, our parents or our partners. Blame is easy. But it keeps us from accepting responsibility for our own lives.....
...People who have what's called an internal locus of control see themselves as responsible for their life outcomes. They look to their own actions, inactions, traits and characteristics to explain both their successes and failures. Every positive outcome increases their expectations of future success, and every disappointment is viewed as a learning opportunity.
Those with an external locus of control, however, believe that their own actions have little influence on future outcomes. They thank or blame forces beyond their control. Failure can, oddly enough, increase their expectation of success as they think their luck must be about to change. Success can lead to fear of failure because they believe that their luck will run out.
Some things to think about:
How many of us fantasize that someone will come along to transform our life?
How many of us allow ourselves to be hurt or disappointed repeatedly?
Do we always say what we mean and mean what we say
In which areas of our life do we take responsibility - health? money? Work? Relationships?
Are we accountable for only what is truly our stuff.
Exercise self-restraint - we do not have to act on every urge or feeling.
Stop depending on others for approval, recognition and affirmation.
Accept that we are responsible for who we are, what has happened to us and for what we will become. Because if not, then who?
The things here which really struck some chords with me is that I do take great responsibility for some areas of my life, but not all...why?
I don't always take full responsibility for what has happened to me.
I do feel accountable for others' actions sometimes. Not just my own.
It also reinforced for me just how much power we do have to change things if we really want to. This is something which I started to really understand when I moved to France - how much in a rut I was, and how much I could still achieve.
What are your thoughts on this subject?
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3 comments:
I am in complete agreement that one should take responsibility for ones actions.
In buddhist terms, what we think today creates our life of tomorrow, so you have the power to transform your life by changing how you think about it.
If you have a victim mentality, feeling that you are at the mercy of everyone else, you will feel that whatever you do will have no effect on your life.
Perhaps you needed to move to France, Swan in order to see that you can change your own life and dont have to be satisfied with a bad hand of cards. You have changed your home, your language and your job. Now are there other parts of you that still need changing? When you were having difficulties in UK did you feel powerless?
We all do at times; we feel at the mercy of fate. But this is not the reality. We can wake up tomorrow a different person, but only if we want to. We can decide that tomorrow we will take responsibility for our lives and quit, say, smoking or drinking or feeling sorry for ourselves or whatever it is we are not happy with in our life.
People are able to change but they have to want to change first. It is getting us to that tipping point of wanting to that is so difficult for us. It is often much easier to sit in cosy denial and continue to act to the protective script we have created in our head.
may we all find the strength we need, and the support of our friuends, to change our lives for the better. I have found in my life that small steps are good. Change something small and it will a) show you that it can be done and b) will give you the confidence to change something bigger.
With unconditional love
Bruv
xxxx
I think that when you move away from your existing daily networks i:e: home, family, friends, work etc; on the one hand it can be very difficult, but on the other it can be very liberating. There are so many things which tie us all together that there doesn't seem to be much time to think clearly about your actions, your plans, your thoughts and feelings.
Since I left England, I have started courses in mosaic, jewellery, watercolours and drawing, I have developed a blog, and helped you develop Dao, I have now developed a web-site, I have enjoyed proper cooking again, I have learnt french, I have a new job and have met many new people from all walks of life. I have also found out a lot more about myself because I have had time to think and breathe again. Life is much slower here.
Would I have done all of this in England - I don't think so.
So I don't think it is always down to wanting to be a victim, or not wanting to take responsibility for thing, I think we have so many things to think and deal about on a daily basis, that sometimes we do not have the time to think about our actions properly, or the consequences.
I know that at times in the past I have leant on fate to guide me through life, thinking that I was powerless to make changes. Now I realise that there is you and only you - which doesn't make it any easier - but it makes it clearer; As you say Bruv by taking small steps to chqnge I think we can make powerful changes within us.
Swanx
a great post Swann, when I finally realised that it was my responsibility to make myself happy I found my life change a lot!
so I want to do more of it !!
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