We have just had a flying visit from Swan, Manny and their cygnets, lovely Fleur and Louis, who caught the ferry over from France. They rented a holiday bungalow at Blue Anchor Bay and treated Ma and Pa to a weekend there. Lovely to see you all looking so well. Thank you for a lovely family evening.
Bruv, Namaste and the Feral Boy
10 comments:
It was nice to wake up and see Swan's lovely face!!! I know it was a warm fun weekend for everyone, Swan & Bruv. Glad to hear it went well. Any more pics to share?
Love,
Lynn xo
you look fab swann!..hope we get together soon
much love
fuchsy xx
Thanks Bruv, yes it really was a lovely weekend. I really enjoyed spending this time with Mum and Dad and seeing you, nam and Jam however I have one over-riding memory from the weekend that will not leave me.
We were talking together about their daily life and how it could be made easier in their bungalow as Dad felt that the bungalow was too small for both of them and would like to move to a bigger place.
So we discussed decluttering their bungalow and making more use of their spare bedroom so that they had more room to move around and perhaps might not be under each others feet so much (they are getting on each other's nerves sometimes always being in such close proximity).
We then got on to talking about their future and we were talking about help that they might need more of in the future and that there was a lot of help that could be brought into their home from outside, they then both responded "Oh come on Sue do you really think that we are going to be around for that long, we won't be here forever you know and certainly not in 4/5 years time." But they said it like it was the reality, that would definitely be the case". I responded by saying are you serious? How do you know? But then it really hit home that Dad would then by 87 and the chances are that he would not be around.
I am in such fear of them passing away and really cannot get it out of my head. Last night I had a dream about an Angel visiting me and she had white curly hair just like Mum, she just told me "See, I told you so, there's nothing to worry about".
Bruv, how do you feel about all of this?
Sisx
Hi dear Swan,
You are touching on some profound issues here and the Dao may not be the best forum to discuss these personal matters in detail.
However, you asked me for my views and I will give you them now, although you may not find them palatable as they will not accord with your current view of life.
Just to state the obvious, death is inevitable. When you get older you will inevitably change how you think about it. I have. You can go one of two ways, get frightened about it or become resigned to it.
Mum and Dad are resigned to it, why should they fool themselves that it would be otherwise. They would not view the prospect of living say an extra five years beyond 87 within any degree of joy. I am glad to hear that they have no false illusions about this.
It will shock you to know that I have been told by two doctors recently that I neednt worry about living in extreme old age because I wont last that long. When you get news like this, first it is a shock but when that goes, you come to an understanding that while we all think we will live forever it is not true. In my case, I will be lucky to get to their age because of my poor health. Now your first response might be like the one you have taken with Mum and Dad of 'Dont think like that, you'll be alright. I'll make things all right for you.' This is very laudable but it just doesn't fit with reality.
Unfortunately it means you are filled with fear about something which is inevitable. In effect, and I do not mean this unkindly, the problem is with you. Not until you can accept that people pass on will you have any peace of mind.
You could follow Namaste's example. She had a horror of blood and illness and took on working in a hospital and a doctor's surgery. She is now taking on voluntary work at a hospice partly because she has a fear of death. It is her way of confronting her fears which will make her stronger.
You might try describing exactly what it is about them passing away that you fear so much. This may show you where your concerns truly lie.
I advised Lynnie recently when she had unresolved issues with her sister's passing to think about how she would want her daughter to think of Lynn's passing and perhaps tell her daughter how she feels and what she has learnt about life. How would you want your children to think about you as you get older and eventually pass on. Do you want them to have this fear of you going?
Regarding practical matters yes the original intention was to have their second bedroom as a mini sitting room with TV etc so they could give each other some space but they dont seem to use it that way.
Regarding their moving somewhere else, I would say this would be more than they could take. They aged five years doing the last move and just cannot cope with this level of upheaval. We have lined up a cleaner, Sylvie, but Mum is in no hurry to get her in. For them change is worse than an illness. So it is difficult.
I think you should try to switch your thinking around and say isnt it wonderful that they have had such a long and happy life. They have lost between them ten brothers and sisters. So they have done so well to survive this long. They are both in a lot of pain and discomfort and are in some sense looking forward to release from this.
I know this isn't what you want from me, but i have no magic bullet that puts everything right.
True happiness comes from accepting our life exactly as it is.
You have all my love and sympathy,
Bruv xxx
Dear Swan,
I just wanted to pipe in and send you my love and an ear whenever you might need it. I know exactly how you are feeling and it has taken me almost 3 years to learn to accept my sister's passing. And I still have my down moments.
The most positive thing I walk away with by accepting her passing is the knowing she is in a beautiful safe place, a place where we ultimately long to be as well.
Death isn't a loss, it's a transitioning. It's a re-birth for lack of a better term. I believe you will always be a part of your parents and will be with them, on the other side, when it's your time to go Home.
Oh, I know how you are feeling. The good news is, you're going to be just fine no matter when they pass.
Hugs,
Lynn xo
My dearest Bruv and Lynn I don't think I can carry on this thread right now
With love to you both Swanxx
Dearest Swan,
I do so understand why this is difficult for you and you have all my love. I have emailed you to suggest you may wish to talk more about it privately but I will understand if you dont feel ready for this.
Big hugs from your everloving Bruv
xxx
Hi Swan,
Sorry to hear you are feeling fear and upset about Ma and Pa's eventual passing. I cant help feeling that this may be to do with you being in France and feeling helpless when you want to be there for them.
I can understand this because I feel similar when I travel off to see my Dad who is 84 and in poor health with his emphysemia. I always feel is this the last time I will be seeing him. However, I lost my mum when I was only 8 and she was 42 and I know that we come to terms with these things however painful they are. The way to look at it is that they have had a long and happy life supported by a very loving family. Life is a circle and we have met before and will meet again.
Love Namaste
Dear Swan,
Many hugs to you!
Love,
Lynn xo
Thanks Nammy and Lynn
I am really thankful for your comments and I think you are right Nam, of course it is more difficult when there is distance between those you love.
Lynn you are right I do need to start thinking about death in these terms and thanks for your kind wishes.
Bruv, we have exchanged emails about this subject and it will take me a time to get my head around all of this as you know.
With sincere love to you all xxxx Swan
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